Jester Of The Court Gifts

"As per your father's wishes, the reading of the will shall be preceded by a tight five-minute comedy set inspired by my dating life -- or lack thereof!"

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

'How about a game of cards?'

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

'Pass it to Dewey! He's got himself into some kind of rhythm!!'

'It wasn't long before Larry realized his calling as a lawyer whisperer...'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Wait!... I don't want to take Brady out right now. He's just getting into rhythm.'

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

"I say we move on to dessert."

Basketball.

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

Justice 4 Ron

"Your Honor, prior to sentencing, if it please the court, I'd like to make just a few brief remarks about pâte brisée."

"Another slander suit!"

'They named special prosecutors to investigate each other.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Court is in recess for one hour. Everyone convene on the playground and we will choose sides for dodgeball!'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.