King Of Avoidance Pillows

'Thanks for inviting me to go fishing, Ted. With hunting season over I was running out of ways to avoid working around the house!'

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

Election Cancelling Headphones

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

" will enver read that book, and I"m eagerly waiting to avoid the movie."

"He's faking it to get out of school. Bring in his teacher and run some tests."

Man reading magazine: 'International Procrastinator.'

'He was right at his desk a moment ago.'

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"This is crazy! Why can't they give us one e-reader with all our school textbooks already on it? That way...I can ignore just one book instead of this whole stack!"

Black belts in the ancient art of avoidance

"This is my exercise routine, and this is my routine to avoid that exercise routine."

'Here! Call the contractor. I don't want to hear any nonsense about goals, or touchdowns, or baskets. I want to see shovels! Lots and lots of shovels!'

"I'm not sure I can make it next week."

The Ostrich Syndrome: 'Who gets the check?'

The Institute of Time Mismanagement Asks: 'Are You Procrastinating to Your Full Potential?'

"Johnson gave it to Bradley to give to Webster to give to Adams..."

"I couldn't retire. I wouldn't know what to do with myself."

"Me, I'm not nocturnal by nature, but by choice: I try to avoid human-contact as much as I can..."

"With my tech skills, I just feel my talents would be wasted on mundane tasks like taking out the trash, cutting the grass and cleaning my room."

"Would you read this self-help book to me?"

'He took a pass and disappeared?'

"Are you going to help with the washing up?"

"Bury your head in the paper, that's your anwser to everything isn't it?"

The new, improved "Hide-A-Dysfunction" Slip Cover

'Gimme all your money, or the single malt gets it!'

Tactics for avoiding a chat.

'Hurry, write 'so sorry we missed you' but be quick, they may be back any minute!'

"I don't want to sit so close to the stage that the actors can see my eyes glaze over."