Kick Fanatic Gifts

High Kick

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

"I think I've found the most comfy jeans."

"We need to do something about excessive admin. I want you to fill out one of these forms every time you think you're doing some."

Alternative fielding positions

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'My god! Have you seen the size of this chiropodist's bill?!!'

"I'm looking for a wife who likes to fish, go to the footy, play cards, watch TV, cook, drink and wash dirty socks."

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

Sudok Fu: Sign up for class today!

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

Sales

Punishment for the kicker.

"It was your father's idea - He can't bear to miss a second of the game."

"Mental note to self: rethink theory of survival of the fittest."

Cheerleaders

Ref shows footballer green card.

"Oh I don't work here, I just love filling out forms."

"As fans we are smart enough to understand the game, but not smart enough to realize how unimportant it really is."

Striker Aims for the Wrong Goal

Battering ram is a giant key to unlock castle doors.

'Good luck son, but genetically you are screwed.'

'There's a dangerously fine line between chivalry and being a goody-two-shoes.'

Just sitting here kicking field goals (smiley face emoji)

'Hurry, hurry! What's he saying?'

"Your grass looks great."

"Now to file 50 million completed Census forms"

"Of course the HMO never stops b****ing about my electricity bills!"

Impersonal Trainer.

The New Simplified Tax Return!...Step 1: Calculate income from all sources...Step 2: Send it.

'Nothing beats that Procedure Form C4/34.2FF6932 completion feeling...'

Javelin

'Sir, the coffee request form you requested is now three, federal, state and local;'

'Unfortunately, Mrs. Himner, spot weight reduction is impossible. You need to lose weight overall.'