Keepers Of Family Chaos Gifts

Couple with lots of kids. Woman says: 'This is our daughter, my son from my first marriage, John's daughter from his second marriage, and I've no idea who the one on the end is.'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"I need to know who started it."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

'It wasn't premeditated.

The sofa freshly made up...

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'It's OK to take your work home with you. It's not OK to bring your home to work with you.'

'Let's get this party started!'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'How many kids do you actually have?'

Just your average family holiday portrait.

"Normally things don't get me down. But lately, just getting out of bed has been difficult."

'Found her. Keeping her.'

'Separate vacations - four of 'em!'

'Don't track mud in the house! 'IT'S NOT MUD! IT'S DOG POO!'

"Honey have you seen my phone? I can't find it anywhere...I swear I left it on the coffee table but now it's gone..."

"That's the seventh time Dad's waved at me."

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

"Mom is pretty certain I'm on my third guardian angel by now."

'You were the one who said you'd like him to bring some of his friends home. . .'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."