Jury Members Pillows

'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'

"What's in it for me?"

"I want to thank all of you for a fair trial and if you're ever up Leavenworth way don't fail to drop in and see me."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'