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'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'

"What's in it for me?"

"I want to thank all of you for a fair trial and if you're ever up Leavenworth way don't fail to drop in and see me."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

You've been found guilty by a jury of your peers -- You're toast fella!

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."