Jury Duty Pillows

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"I pledge allegiance to the flag...oh sorry, to honour and obey...on no that's not it..I name this ship.."

'Call of Jury Duty': Smash hit video game for the 65 and older demographic.

"take your best shot, counselor."

"The only time Ralph was ever really happy was when he was on jury duty."

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

'Your honor, I believe the jury has reached a verdict!'

It was a bad move. Putting the defendant on the stand always poses a risk.

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'

'Twenty five years hard labor, or six months jury duty. Take your pick!'

"Look, we all know he's guilty. . . but if we stall, we can get put up in a hotel and they'll feed us!"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'