Jury Duty Summons Pillows

"Your Honor, it would be a hardship for me to sit on a long, non-celebrity trial.

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

The evangelist turned lawyer's opening arguments were unconvincing

"It's not that you're a failure. It's that you completely lack the capacity for success."

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

"Your honor, we were having so much fun being sequestered, we forgot what the defendant is charged with."

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'Slow down. . . okay. . . 'Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you god?''

Dog defendant and cat jury - The Rigged Jury

'The jury have instructed me to say that they expected a rather more spicy case.'

'We find the defendant guilty. Do you have a problem with that?'

"take your best shot, counselor."

"We the jury, find the defendant. Hang on..uh oh...where's that sticky note go?"

This is my story and I'm stickin with it!