Serving On A Jury Pillows

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

"Wear a white shirt ...... It's the grand jury."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'