Becoming A Juror Pillows

'I'm worried since he was chosen jury foreman.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Wal-Mart Ruling

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"Police, this is the wife of Magi the magician, something's happened to him!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'