Becoming A Juror Pillows

'I'm worried since he was chosen jury foreman.'

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

Wal-Mart Ruling

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"Police, this is the wife of Magi the magician, something's happened to him!"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Might I caution you on suing the defendant for damages...such action is fraught with difficulty, given your 'hand-me-down' status in his family!!'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

"We, the jury, find the defendant."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'Then if there are no objections, we will recess until tomorrow morning.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

"We, the jury, award the plaintiffs 100 trillion dollars - just because."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'