Jury Pillows

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

Hearsay evidence.

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

'Big mistake to have used up all of my jury challenges.'

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

"May I remind the jury a guilty verdict for my client will trigger defamation of character lawsuits."

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

'This jury will disregard the donuts and festive decorations provided by the defense.'

"We the jury, find the defendant. Hang on..uh oh...where's that sticky note go?"

Speared by the new retroactive slander law.

'A nice thing about a rush to judgement is that it will cut down on lawyer fees.'

'We find the defendant..............join us again in five minutes!'

'Your Honor, my client has a little surprise for the jury.'

''The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth'? -- How patriarchal can you get?'

''Ten years at hard labor'? -- You're worse than my wife!'

'Sure, I did all that stuff once, but this is the NEW me.'

"Before I start my taped testimony, I should like to say a few words about Fenton's Naturally Decaffeinated Coffee."

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Wal-Mart Ruling

"#notguilty."

"In closing, I would like to remind the jury that he says he didn't do it."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'Your honor, if I may digress for a moment, who does your hair?'

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

"Boy is he good! He's even got me convinced you're guilty!"

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'