Junk Bond Jester Gifts

"We want to redeem our junk bonds. I'm not concerned but my advisor here worries."

"If I might be serious for a moment..."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Dog fetching clown shoes.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

"The trees are laughing at us."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"These meetings bring out my creative side. How's this for the boss?"

Women in a cross country race

I wouldn't mind so much, but it's all junk mail.

A woman takes a pterodactyl on a run.

"#notguilty."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

Yawning barristers in court

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

Elephants never scared me. I once chased three of them into the river/I was able - before I lost my teeth - to bite a crocodile's tail right off / I'll never forget the time I roared so loud, twenty or maybe thirty monkeys fell right out of the tree.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Sick Rancher Humor

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

Crow and fox

Clown Wedding with Rake

'How am I going to get all this back in the tube?'

"I'd better get going. I've got a lot coming at me right now."

'He started it!'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'