Juice Junkie Gifts

Fruit Mart: Closing down, going into liquidiser.

"I'm stocking up on orange juice because I can't afford a Florida vacation."

A tiny donkey with coffee, juice and pastries is at the door! Ah, the breakfast "burrito"!

"If we want a realistic strawberry flavour we'll need to add more salicyaldehide and hydrobenzoic acid."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'These are job perks.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Homo Gamus

Fast Food Menu Selections

Evolution of a coffee drinker.

'Maybe a firewall isn't enough to protect our computer from worms and viruses. That's why I additionally installed this fence!'

'Kudos to Bill for the cotton candy machine idea!'

'Quit fooling around, Gog. Do the assignment.'

Nutrition-Free Diet

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

"But but ... if we remove all the additives there'll be nothing left!"

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

'You're not retaining water. You're retaining cookies and ice cream and pizza...'

'Bacon-butties are my favourite!'

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

Exit. My problem is restaurants have drive-throughs, and fitness centers don't.

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

Our Productivity Plan: More Coffee

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

Stress

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'We can't keep living in the fast-food lane.'

"It's time to get the couch gutters cleaned again."

'I could have had a V-8!'