Juice Drinker Gifts

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Happy Hour

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

'Oh, sure, it gets the creative juices going, but is it worth the cost?'

Easy chair exercise machines

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

Socrates, 399 B.C: 'Wow, I could have had a V-8.'

'I'm doing like you said and not drinking straight from the carton.'

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

'I could have had a V-8!'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

'I could have had a V-8!'

"Wheatgrass is highly effective at neutralizing joy."

Lemonade Survey

"No thanks, I'm on a juicebook cleanse this week."

"Didn't anyone tell you this is the private juice bar of the Health's Angels?"

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think I know where you're going with this: Yes, he was talking about happy hour.

"I rescued him from a tree four years ago — still remembers me."

"It must be a youth culture!" (Lager, boobs, lager, babes,footie, girls,lager.)

How can I ensure I'm getting 100 orange juice? Buy an orange!

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

A tiny donkey with coffee, juice and pastries is at the door! Ah, the breakfast "burrito"!

'Single or double?'

Should We All Go To The Movies?