Ink Drinker Gifts

'To you it's wine, to me, it's my writer's block vaccine.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

Where Indian ink came from.

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

Happy Hour

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

'You just don't know when to stop, do you?'

'You know what they say...live fast, die young and leave a great fossil.'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

'So it's the Mumm's Cordon Rouge, '98 Pouilly-Fuisse, '86 Chateau Margaux, and the '92 Barsac - would you like any food?'

"I think you'll find the pen is writier than the sword."

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

Artist's Equipment Comes To Life

Quills - Sizes 1-9

Stationers' sign leaking ink onto a passer-by.

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"Quick, I need a drink. Someone just called me Ma'am."

"I got tired of wearing a hat."

"Would you care to accessorize each other?"

'Joe has been partying hard!'

All-Day Breakfast

"Scientists may need a trillion dollar atom smasher to explore the fundamental questions of the universe, but all you need is one too many."

'The King of what?'

"In addition to the regular menu, today's specials are . . ."

Wine Tasting and Wine Guzzling

"Good evening, sir, may I see your drinking licence please?"

Penny

'As soon as I get a small tattoo, I'm going to take up yoga.'