Juice Joker Gifts

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

Complaints Desk

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

The waterslides are fun, but the water seesaw, not so much.

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

"Repeat after me..."

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'For years I thought it was the 'Supremes Court' and decisions were made by three women singing Motown.'

'I got 10 years and my lawyer got 15!'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'