Juice Joker T-Shirts

"They said it had a V-8, so I assumed it would run on tomato juice!"

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

Death Photobombs a Holiday

"Repeat after me..."

Complaints Desk

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

'I'm not as think as you drunk I am.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'For years I thought it was the 'Supremes Court' and decisions were made by three women singing Motown.'

'I got 10 years and my lawyer got 15!'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'Hey, it won't be so bad -- why, I'm doing community service myself right now.'