Caffeine Joker Gifts

'It's a popular new flavor - It tastes like you're asleep!'

'... The coffee would taste like mud sir, it's fresh ground!'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"Give me all the caffeine you have."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'These are job perks.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Evolution of a coffee drinker.

'You've had enough!'

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"Guess we are going to the coffee shop!"

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

Our Productivity Plan: More Coffee

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

'Sorry, but we can't serve you the grande size anymore without a prescription.'

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

Stress

'I understand the concept, sir, but I think I'd do better if it were a donut.'

'I'll have the diet special followed by a triple helping of chocolate sponge cake.'

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

"You can eat all the cake you want and still get into heaven."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"The 'Ex' huh?"

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

Chocolate Munchies. Only 100 calories...' awesome!' - '' - 'Runchy! Rurrgh!!' - '' - 'Oh, hold on. 100 calories per Munchie' - '' -

"A barista should always follow his instincts."

For Edward, a cup of coffee was no longer enough to get him started in the morning...

"Don't rush me! I won't be much of a busy bee if I don't get my second cup of coffee."

'Please don't say a word to me until my coffee gets right...about...here.

"Whoa! Just decaf today. I only had 15 hours of sleep yesterday."