Judo Jokester Gifts

Karate.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Bed Spread"

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

"I hate this time of year."

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Arrogant junior barrister

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

"Susan! The Johnson's dog is chasing me while I'm jogging again!"

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'If you plan to run a half-marathon you won't want a stopwatch, you'll need a calendar!'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

Martial Arts

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Cleaning the Horse

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.