Judgement Humorist Gifts

"He won't bite, but he carries with him a large repository of judgements."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

Judge

"Have't seen this before...I'll need to ask the boss."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

A Judicial Error. (Judge has hit his thumb with his gavel.)

Should I be encouraged by your robe, your honor? No. It's just laundry day. Have a nice verdict.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

"I forgot to call in dead."

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

'Oh, boy!'

'Orders in the court'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

Evaluating the humorousness of cartoons.

'We find him guilty... but hey... we could be wrong!'

'Did you, or did you not, say to the plaintiff,'I'm going to stooky you into next week, you wee bam'?'

No, I'm not asking you to declare the witness hostile, you honor. Can you just declare him

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

'No kidding? -- Nine life sentences?'

'In accordance with California guild lines, I sentence you to death. You will be taken to death row where you will die of old age.'