Judgment Comedian Gifts

"I forgot to call in dead."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

That party went well.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

Judge

"Have't seen this before...I'll need to ask the boss."

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Should I be encouraged by your robe, your honor? No. It's just laundry day. Have a nice verdict.

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

A Judicial Error. (Judge has hit his thumb with his gavel.)

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

"He won't bite, but he carries with him a large repository of judgements."

'Oh, boy!'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

Evaluating the humorousness of cartoons.

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

No, I'm not asking you to declare the witness hostile, you honor. Can you just declare him

'No kidding? -- Nine life sentences?'

'In accordance with California guild lines, I sentence you to death. You will be taken to death row where you will die of old age.'

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

"Guilty. I sentence you to six months of jury duty."

Juvenile Court

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'