Judgment Comedian Gifts

"I forgot to call in dead."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

That party went well.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

Judge

"Have't seen this before...I'll need to ask the boss."

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

"He won't bite, but he carries with him a large repository of judgements."

'Oh, boy!'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

'In accordance with California guild lines, I sentence you to death. You will be taken to death row where you will die of old age.'

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

'No kidding? -- Nine life sentences?'

"Guilty. I sentence you to six months of jury duty."

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

Juvenile Court

Life Imprisonment