Verdict Humorist Gifts

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Should I be encouraged by your robe, your honor? No. It's just laundry day. Have a nice verdict.

"Guilty. I sentence you to six months of jury duty."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Copycats

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

I will study my speling words...

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

'As you can see by the pie chart, most of our expenses go to well, pie.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Boss, the AI is actually smarter than all of us! It read our business forecast, jumped up and ran out laughing!"

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Well, isn't that embarrassing."

"But everyone is befuddled by math."

Outer Space Outsourcing

THE PIED PIPER OF GRAMERCY PARK

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Dog Walking Services

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"When is my next parole hearing?"