Decision-making Humorist Gifts

'So, Fathead, you gonna buy me or not?! Come on, Bozo, make up your mind!'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

Grim Reaper Buying CDs...

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

Money Bar.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

'I'm no expert, but I think we're a little behind when it comes to the latest industry technology.'

"I condensed my painting to the pure essence of the message. What helps me a lot is the fact that I've got nothing to say at all."

' It's a bit of an anti climax - I've washed it but I can't go any where ! '

'Mom, Dad... we found out that in a previous life, Sheila was a dog and I was a tree. That's why we decided to marry to continue this promising relationship!'

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"All this online learning sort of makes you miss the head lice days, huh?"

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

White Collar Crime.

The Euro - R.I.P.

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'