Decision-making Humor Gifts

"Yes it's a salad bar, but it's still mainly hay."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's rather unorthodox, but it appears the deposit refund on the empties will cover your first interest payment.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"Look at her...Gracie is intelligent, optimistic, ambitious..I wish she was one more thing."

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"Bottled or breast?"

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

C'mon, Bob, the associate chases the manager's tail, the manager chases the VP's tail, and the VP chases my tail for me – You know how this works.

"We couldn't give you a bigger office, so we shrunk everything down to make it appear bigger."