Financial Decision Humorist Gifts

'Folks, the kids can go to college any old time...but this sale ends Saturday.'

'Now that I have your attention...'

British savings accounts

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

Loan Alley

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Our Motto: Buy Low Sell High is the Best Revenge.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

Money Bar.

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The bank says they're freezing my assets! I don't understand: They've always been frozen...'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Jumping Wall Street.

"Oh I have plenty of sex appeal. It's all here in my bank baalance."

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

But under a different accounting convention ...