Joyful Graduate Gifts

Graduating Zumba Cum Laude

Big Bang Theory.

"You've got to learn about verbs. How else are you going to verbalize your feelings?

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Math Major Pennants. ISOSCELES. SCALENE EQUILATERAL.

Four Types of Test-Takers...

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'And what part of the formula don't you understand?'

Philosophy Department: You are here but why are you here?

A prince needs to learn arithmetic because some day you may want to divide and conquer.

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

'You don't have to worry about my future any more -- I just downloaded an entire college education!'

"This is what's known as a book."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

'If you're not confused then you realy don't know what's going on... !'

'When they came up with a 'do your homework' app, then I'll know technology can really make life better.'

'Teens are like trees, you can chart their growth by the number of rings.'

'As everyone knows, scientists are at their peaks early in their careers.'

'This course in philosophy is not designed to teach you how to make a living. I will be teaching you how to make a life.'

CHAUCER 411, 'Boy -- that guy spells worse than I do!'

'The first exam was easy as ABC, but that one felt more like a D,E or F.'

Dictionary. It's a cordless spell checker!

'I meant a book report on 'Treasure Island,' not a report on the Muppet movie version.'

"I just take Tommy's computer here and hit delete. I haven't eaten homework in years!"

Day one, post grad

Student - Haven't emailed in 2 days.

Teacher and students.

'...Or not.'

On the cusp of winning the Nobel, Bernie gets exposed by his third grade handwriting teacher.

University of xylongatnyfexodyl never heard of it

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

"My paper is on Paul Revere's famous ride form the standpoint of media impact across select stages of the colonial decision-making process."

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Student to teacher: 'After Accelerated Math I think I deserve a rest.'