Joking Gastronome Gifts

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

'Why the free meal?'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Bangers and Mash

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Lockdown casserole

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"And your baskets include dead crickets, old socks, mice guts and toilet water."

"I like my steak well done."

Murderous Chef

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'Coool! What's that called? 'Suicide bomber chicken'?'

"For supper tonight, we'll have pizza, and cold pizza for dessert."

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

"What will change my life?"

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

'Nice Touch!'

"Some volcano roll!"

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"You're right in berating me, ma'am, as I personally decided the price of each entree..."

Christmas canape?

Where 'Stewed Tomatoes' come from.

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

House of Beans.

Suicidal Sheep: '101 Ways with Mint Sauce.'

Be aware of what your food is up to: protect yourself against snack attacks.

'Do you have anything that looks like a cantaloupe but tastes like a cheesecake?'