Goofy Gastronome Gifts

A Respite Between Courses

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

Ethnic food springing out of a menu.

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'Could I have the traditional Christmas dinner but without meat or dairy and could guarantee it's organic and GM free.'

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

'I'll have the 'All of the above.''

"They're marinated in hot water for six hours."

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

'Help! -- I ate too much and I can't get up!'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Fuels paradise.

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

"You know what would compliment this meal? A nice vintage milk of magnesia"

A woman looks at the menu posted in the front window of a restaurant; a nearby sign reads "Free gluten".

Christmas canape?

'The frogs legs kicked the peas off the plate.'

'Ey-up, here comes the boss!'

'Which of the high cholesterol foods are the safest?'

A choice of sandwiches

"Something this big."

'A table near the food, please.'

'What...and you take the plunge to call this a gourmet restaurant??!'

Joe's Weird and Goofy Travel: 'I want to walk backward across China and Tibet.'

... Harold at the stomach pump.

The Full Mountie!

'Why the free meal?'

All you can eat. . . pizza.

For Your Dining Pleasure

"This accident report must be really old, unless he really was 'attacked by ye wilde boare' in the cold meats aisle."

'We'll have to cut back on the caviar, Oscar!'