Playful Gastronome Gifts

Christmas canape?

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'Another neat trick is to cut regular spaghetti into little pieces, and next thing you know you've got yourself a bowl of spaghetti-i-s.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"There are no croutons. I use tater tots on my salad."

Better Not Squash.

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"Just a pinch, Helga ... spicy eye of newt doesn't agree with me."

'Tomato ketchup?' 'Well you wanted the house red.'

'What wine do you recommend with the peanut butter-filled, deep fried, jalapeno bacon bombs?'

Sushi Train Set.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

Dave's Hamburger Shop

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"The tiny red things were harvested from Frankie's bonsai tree."

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Stand back - while I whip something up

"Here comes the tossed salad!"

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

"If dinner was a reality TV show broccoli would be the first thing I'd vote off!!"

Bar Refaeli

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

A Donut Ride Outside of a Police Station

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

Football Pudding

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

"Stop playing with your food and eat your dinner!"

Sushi For Men...

Diners sit in high chairs, wear bibs and eat baby food. Man says: 'I love this place, it's just so retro.'

"He's just p****d off, because these days, I'm more popular than he is."

'I'll trade you, sight unseen.'

'These are exquisite! You simply must give me your recipe.'