Joking Around Gifts

'My anti-distraction program isn't very high-tech, but it works.'

"I brought you a wig because you said you like long hair."

"Freeze!"

'Excuse me, Mr. Pavlik, but that gentleman you called an idiot is here. Should I still say you're not in?'

Portaloo Tidal Wave.

Formal SuitsBusiness SuitsBirthday Suits.

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

Sure, he likes it here - he's a cartoonist.

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"Bed Spread"

Get crazy once in a while

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

Fleas Navidad.

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

Wet Cement. Always the joker, aren't you, Ernie?

"Just toot my horn and I'll be there."

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Our family has a dry sense of humor, and we don't laugh that much.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Signs of Aging: Light headedness, shortening, waxy skin, burn out and hot flashes.

Pesky students.

Caution May Contain Nuts.

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Extremely Practical Jokes.

'Just remember, he's bigger, but you're funnier. As soon as he starts laughing, you've got him!'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."