Joking Gifts

'Had you subscribed to my podcast, you would have learned my dog ate my homework.'

Fake Near-death Kit.

The only thing Fred hated more than weeds were weeds that made puns.

'All of our guests are required to wear Groucho safety glasses.'

'What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?'

"No...ha-ha, no, but seriously, boy, I'm going to have to eat you now."

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"They say the early forties is the new late thirties."

The Buttox.

"I'm getting the hang of this wake up every morning, and do basically the same thing with different complaints until I die."

"Can Johnny come out to eat?"

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

Bishop has his robes stuck in his pants.

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Well, I'm glad you two share a sense of humor.'

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

"Do you guys need a wacky, fun-loving jokester for your crew? I can make silly sounds."

"What a pro."

'You can't solve ALL your problems by beheading them.'

Olympic rabbit ears

"I'm giving you a 300% salary increase, and four months paid leave."

'I'm going for a plea bargain. Right now, I'm accused of being a lazy slug. But if I plead guilty, I might get it reduced to the lesser charge of malingering.'

"How about a hibernation. . . ?"

"Some hand sanitizer, canning jars and lids, liquid soap, and a big 24 pack of toilet paper."

National Sarcasm Awareness: 'Thanks! Like that's really going to help.'

Snail slow to react to an ant's joke.

Trip me.

Pinata Pranks

'The ‘class clown' thing is my fault. I totally misjudged the crowd.'

"Trust him to make a spectacle of himself."

Greg and Lee were having hours of fun with their photo copier breakdown remote control.

Clown

Intimate Apparel and Inmate Apparel.

'Yeah, you're right, your name and address do seem to be written here... But, like you, I can't read, so I can't help you get back home...'