Jokesters About Money Matters Gifts

'I think my parents are feeling the pinch of college tuition. They're talking about return on investment.'

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

"Let's vote. All those in favour of flying to Switzerland, withdrawing our secret bank account and splitting?"

'The popularity polls love what you've done with the budget deficit....moving the decimal one point to the left.'

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

'My investment club had morphed into a support group.'

'You call it a beer belly, I prefer to think of it as a lump sum settlement of liquid assets.'

"Well, if I was ambitious, we'd have a nice house and more money, but I'd never be around."

"Tag! Your salary's frozen."

"I decided to invest in precious metals - I bought a new car."

'Think about it: There were over three million of us co-owning this ant-hill, so we only got a few cents each...'

"...And when the world economy collapses, we all stand up and take over! Agreed?"

"We try to inject a little humor in our statements, but you should take them seriously."

The Recession Hole.

'I just asked to see the annual figures...'

"I'm afraid we don't offer student loans to elementary school pupils."

Some cultures use fish as money. 'Got change for a halibut?' 'Sure! Minnows OK?

"If a higher interest rate is a sign of a stronger economy, you must think I'm golden."

'My latest invention...the credit rock!'

'Before I give you the bill,do you suffer from heart trouble, high blood pressure,or sudden shock syndrome?'

"They call the dollar stable and you know what's in the stable."

Dollar sign balloon.

'Here's a twenty. Go nuts.'

'If you're bored do some writing.You could start by writing your will.'

How much money do you want? How much have you got?

Economists explain the National Debt: 'Don't Worry! Be Happy!'

'All these bailouts are silly - why don't they just give everybody their own ATM machines?'

Computer that runs on money.

"My advice, don't marry for money. You can borrow it for 3.5%."

"Does he have bills to pay as well then..?"

'I wish I had my money back...'

HMRC Self-Assessment - Poor

'Would you like the correct time and temperature with your transaction?'