Joker's Apprentice Gifts

'I'll be back Friday - don't try anything funny while I'm away.'

"Gee, I never saw that coming."

Photocopying his ass was not as easy as he'd been led to believe.

'I don't know what 'peer pressure' is, but it makes a GREAT excuse!'

"Hi-yah!"

'I think I'll take her to the zoo today.'

"There are the arts, the sciences, agriculture, and commerce. Stick with commerce, if you know what's good for you."

"And for my next trick, I will confuse general politeness for chemistry."

'She's still a novice yet.'

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

'I've been told I have Rembrandt's golden glow.'

Who posted the hilarious pics of you with the goofy haircut? Not sure. Someone who wants to humiliate me. One of the usual cyber bullies. No. Meaner. Hmm

"For my next trick, I'll require an audience."

Young Houdini

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

Long-legged clown...

Just a little heads up!

"I can always tell a permanent temp from a temporary temp."

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

Mr Kettleband's humour was described as unique.

"I am studying the alphabet. I'm watching ABC."

"And did you pack this bag yourself, sir?"

yesterday i brought my son this magic set and...

"I've taught him to do tricks, he wants you to pick a card."

'Honestly, I leave you alone for just a couple of minutes...'

"Great act - but let's see how he does on the written test."

Really tall guy with a 'Kick Me' sign attached.

'How long have you been with us now, Jeffrey?'

"Do you really think this will work?"

"The kids of today catch on so quickly, Ted! Remember how long it took US to master the finer points of crony capitalism?"

At the National Whoopee Cushion Testing Facility.

"Any other strengths?"

"Take no notice. It's just Norman being sarcastic again."

'I love being a rich executive so please don't let me get so bad that I won't be suspended with pay.'

"It's Albert's revamped version of the old 'arrow through the head' gag, but it still needs a bit of work."