Joker Physicist Gifts

E=Emcee Squared

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Intelligent people laugh too!

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

The difference between cosmology and cosmetology.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"Just for fun today we could fire some eggs around."

Get crazy once in a while

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Is it true Dad...is the Earth really made of bleu cheese?"

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"Would you rather get hit by a racket or chewed by a dog?"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

Pole Star

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

'Did you check the glove compartment? -- maybe you left the keys in there.'

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

'The doctor told me to introduce more greens into my diet.'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

Astronaut sees cell tower on the moon.

"So a horse has 6 legs, forelegs at the front and 2 at the back?"

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

"Your next pilgrimage must be to a bodega for milk."

Cloning Laboratory: 'I never thought I'd work here.'

"It's me, Lucky—you can drop the best-friend shtick."

Climbing to the moon

"Dad, if there's a plot to the universe, can you see any spoilers?"

Here lies BoBo the Clown

"We could have a shoot-out, then brunch."

"I did warn you about doing that, Gorak. . ."

'Let it go, will you? -- That whoopie cushion incident was years ago!'