Joke-loving Shrink Pillows

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

IV Bags: Main and Afters

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

Next! (liposuction specialist)

"He's losing his will to pay!"

'Looks to me as though you have an overactive thyroid!'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

'You passed the physical, but your underwear is on the critical list.'

Pre-digested convenience foods.

"No beans for you, you're on a fart free diet."

Operating Room Table Scraps

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

"You seem to be suffering from a bit of 'fluid retention', mainly beer and wine."

"He's counted backwards by fives, he's named all fifty states plus their capitals. I'm telling you, the tank's out of anesthesia."

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

The Modern Daredevil.

'Looks like Helen had some work done.'

Small man to tall smoker: "It's not big or clever you know."