Joke-loving Shrink Gifts

"How's everything here? Let's start with your earliest childhood memories."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"Uh, try unplugging him, then plugging him back in."

'Do you have eczema?' 'No, only what's on the menu.'

Plastic surgery is a scream.

'Pistachio ice cream does not cpont as a serving of greens.'

' ... and a side order of statins.'

'I have to ask; do you really care if your double-cheese bacon sausage pepperoni pizza is gluten-free?'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

"This IS our diet pizza. As I told you, it's a hole pie."

Neuro Surgery. Staff only. Sorry, that took longer than I expected --- He has a lot of nerve!

IV Bags: Main and Afters

"The small neat scar was from the surgery. The long jagged scar is where I sneezed."

"Relax! He's in good hands!!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"He's losing his will to pay!"

Next! (liposuction specialist)

'Looks to me as though you have an overactive thyroid!'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'You passed the physical, but your underwear is on the critical list.'

'I've got to watch my health - I'm Type 2 diabolic!'

Operating Room Table Scraps

"He's counted backwards by fives, he's named all fifty states plus their capitals. I'm telling you, the tank's out of anesthesia."

"No idea if it's gluten free, Hansel. Can't you just eat the stupid thing?"

Pre-digested convenience foods.

"You seem to be suffering from a bit of 'fluid retention', mainly beer and wine."

'If you want me to play 'Smoke gets in your eyes', I'll have to read you this Surgeon General's warning first.'

Surgical mittens, an idea whose time has not come.

"No beans for you, you're on a fart free diet."

"My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis."

A Doctor sewing up a Patient's incision with a sewing machine.

"I'm going to send you to someone who's not afraid of doing a little harm."

The Modern Daredevil.

'Looks like Helen had some work done.'

Small man to tall smoker: "It's not big or clever you know."