Joke Lovers In Medicine Pillows

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

Hypochondria Hospital

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

I like a lot of witnesses around.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

'We may as well make use of you.'

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

'What's that noise?'

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"Med school was a blast."

"He's losing his will to pay!"

"It's part of our company's new health plan. You don't ever have to leave your desk for the virtual colonoscopy..."

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

"Are you a paediatrician?"

'What's the problem?'

'Boy, am I getting hungry!'