Joke Lovers In Medicine Mugs

'Your X-Rays are here. . . beautiful high-resolution!'

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'That was creepy. They ran short on cadavers, so we operated on the dean of students.'

Hypochondria Hospital

Doctor to patient: 'I won't be asking about your three marriages. This isn't an invasive procedure.'

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

I like a lot of witnesses around.

Patients with HMO dread anesthesia.

"I'm Dr. Fenton. I'll be performing your microsurgery today."

Tinnitus.

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

Chiropodist is wearing a gas mask while treating a client.

'I see that somebody grabbed the bull by the horns.'

'Good grief. I think your body rejected your cornea transplant.'

"Whoever she is...she's one hell of an egg donor."

'We may as well make use of you.'

Cracked Quacks Strip: Cosmetic surgeon mix up.

"While I'm not an internist...I'd say you coughed up your small intestines!"

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"I'm afraid someone drank your sample."

'85% recover with no complications, 60% of the remaining 15% will have a slower recovery rate, and the remaining 40% of the 15% may need additional treatment.'

"Fortunately treatment will be relatively inexpensive since you have the generic form of the disease!"

'Nurse, has the staff been eating in pre-op again? There's mayonnaise on the scalpel.'

"A specialist is a doctor with a smaller practice and a bigger home."

'Perhaps dressing up my skeleton like this wasn't as wittily amusing an ideas as I'd thought.'

"Trust me, Senator. Many people have active and fulfilling sex lives long after they've retired from Congress."

"Med school was a blast."

Catch 72

"He's losing his will to pay!"

GALLSTONE SPECIALIST: This too shall pass

"Undress down to your underwear and have a seat. The optometrist will be in shortly."

'What's that noise?'

"It's part of our company's new health plan. You don't ever have to leave your desk for the virtual colonoscopy..."

'Boy, am I getting hungry!'

"Are you a paediatrician?"