Jocular Jokester Gifts

'Do you know what speed you were doing Sir? Could I see your tax and insurance, and is all this stuff in the back yours?'

A Pirate at the Opticians.

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Bed Spread"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Men dancing

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Poisson d'Avril!

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

"Maybe this year..."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

Elf of the Month

"I think Baxter needs a break."

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.