Jocular Conversationalist Gifts

Betty had a history of inappropriate and insensitive type comments at Christmas. . .

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Robot Jogger

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

Poisson d'Avril!

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

"Filling up 10 cars with gas would be crazy expensive!"

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

A Pirate at the Opticians.

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

'Silicone implant ward.'

"I just called you over the intercom to tell you your wife's here. Sir?"

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"Well looks like it's time for eye glasses."

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

'I know about the birds, but what about the bees?'

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

"Roger might be just right for you. He plans his entire day around the wild thing, too."

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'

Vern takes the cashier's greeting of 'how are you today?' far too literally.

"Despite the emotion in their conversation, there seems to be a language barrier between them."

Thought bubbles and speech bubbles