Jocular Chef Gifts

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Little help?"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

To do before Saturday...

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

Poisson d'Avril!

'Your smile came in a distant third.'

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Don't worry, I won't hold my age against you."

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

A balanced diet is a Cherry Cheesecake in each hand.

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

"I should have never let you watch those cooking shows on TV!"

A Pirate at the Opticians.

'Silicone implant ward.'

"Watkins would like to know if he can leave a few minutes early...he claims he's dying."

John's Laser Shop and Eye Patches 4 U Shops

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

"Well looks like it's time for eye glasses."

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Jester cooks using book called 'Fool-proof Cooking'.

'This is my primary place of doing business, although I do sometimes do it on my neighbor's lawn.'

'I'm very impressed with your new butler, Charles. He carries himself well.' (A butler carrying himself in the air).

'Do you know what speed you were doing Sir? Could I see your tax and insurance, and is all this stuff in the back yours?'

Shadow: I'm with stupid.

"Why are we getting 'Old Spooky' spectacles for his birthday?" -- "So he can read his correct date of birth!!"

Betty had a history of inappropriate and insensitive type comments at Christmas. . .