Jocular Jurist Gifts

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Little help?"

That party went well.

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

Poisson d'Avril!

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

"In a surprising turn of events, the end testifies against the means."