Jocular Jurist Gifts

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Little help?"

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

That party went well.

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Robot Jogger

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

'The next case Your Honor, is a palimony suit. The ant vs the grasshopper.'

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

Jury Selection Today. Have any of you been friended by the defendant on Facebook?

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

Poisson d'Avril!

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'Your honour, we find the defendent 'politically incorrect'.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"Welcome to Trapeze Talent Inc. If you'd like us to catch you, fill out this form, and we'll get back to you if we're interested."

'You are charged with contempt of CNN....'

'Your Honor, we find the defendant rich, famous and not guilty.'

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Eleven Angry Men and One Happy Chappy

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"It was a crime of passion, not the defendant's offense, out verdict."

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'