Jocular Genius Gifts

Poisson d'Avril!

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Little help?"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Robot Jogger

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.

Tee-Hee-Bay - XXXL shoes.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

A Pirate at the Opticians.

'You aren't taking your vision health seriously, Mr. Scott.'

"I just called you over the intercom to tell you your wife's here. Sir?"

"Well looks like it's time for eye glasses."

'Silicone implant ward.'

John's Laser Shop and Eye Patches 4 U Shops

Mooning Moon

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

To an observer approaching the speed of light, Einstein and his surroundings appear to be tall and thin.

'Julie,has anyone told you how beautiful you look today? If so send them in for an eye test straight away!'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'

'This is my primary place of doing business, although I do sometimes do it on my neighbor's lawn.'

"Did you see that comedy on T.V. last night? I was in bits!"

Shadow: I'm with stupid.

'Do you know what speed you were doing Sir? Could I see your tax and insurance, and is all this stuff in the back yours?'

"Oh, yeah! Well, your mother doesn't know a molecule from barnacle."

"Why did I think I could do this?"

"Why are we getting 'Old Spooky' spectacles for his birthday?" -- "So he can read his correct date of birth!!"

Thought balloon shaped like the missing piece from a jigsaw puzzle.

Betty had a history of inappropriate and insensitive type comments at Christmas. . .

"We don't waste any part of the deer and that includes the testicles."