Jovial Genius Gifts

"Oh, yeah! Well, your mother doesn't know a molecule from barnacle."

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Yound Einstein disproves an early theory: 'Aha! A watched pot DOES boil!'

Candid Camera store.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

'Guy comes up with one interesting theory about special relativity, suddenly he thinks he's freakin' Einstein,'

'The Saxon King' pub

"There's an app that helped me finish grades 3 through 7. If you need me, I'll be in my room playing video games for the next few years."

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"We've run all the technical stuff and found the cause of the funny sound coming from your computer."

Family doing circus trick heading to the circus.

"I'm enhancing my appreciation for the knowledge gathered by humankind."

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

Poisson d'Avril!

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'My client stands before you, a jury of his whittling peers ...'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Now we know who'll be taking care of us in our old age."

"What the... an apple?! Hey, I can make schnapps out of it and if you've had plenty of it, gravity pulls you to the ground!"

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

"Summer's coming. How does pre-med camp sound."

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

Hot Cross Bun

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

"It's important to learn numbers. Then you can have a pin number and get money from ATMs."

'I'll put one end of the hose in your pool...you take the other end outside...gravity will create a siphon and drain the water with no mess.'

Planting Bulbs.

'You said we can grow our own food. So, where's the hot dog seeds.'

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

"You can't fake throwing sticks this many times and expect to just waltz in here, Mr. Federman."