Jocular Conversationalist Pillows

Betty had a history of inappropriate and insensitive type comments at Christmas. . .

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

Poisson d'Avril!

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

The Basic Blueprint for 99% of Today's Conversations (or So it Seems)

'It says, the higher a man's I.Q., the longer he's a virgin... well, bud... here's your Nobel Prize nomination!'

A Pirate at the Opticians.

"Filling up 10 cars with gas would be crazy expensive!"

"You've got a vow of silence? How interesting! Tell me all about that!"

"Don't worry mate... We've rung for an economist."

'Silicone implant ward.'

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

"Well looks like it's time for eye glasses."

'Online dating is rubbish. I've written to 20 women and not ONE has replied.' 'At least you're being spurned in the comfort of your own home.'

"Roger might be just right for you. He plans his entire day around the wild thing, too."

'I've been thinking about this whole Santa thing.'

'I know about the birds, but what about the bees?'

'I'm not writing 'gifts optional' on your birthday party invitation again this year 'cause no one got you a gift.'

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"I feel I have perspective but mostly because I'm tall."

'Oh, come on!!? Don't be crazy, butterfly.'

"Despite the emotion in their conversation, there seems to be a language barrier between them."

Accountant Reading 'The Joy of Cooking.'