Jocular Lens Lover Pillows

"Well looks like it's time for eye glasses."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

"Little help?"

"It that it? I don't have my contacts in."

'Yes, it computed the answer in a bilionth of a second and printed it instantly, but until I find my glasses...'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

A boy with a camera

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

'All of your references say you play well with others, but there's nothing in here about you actually doing any work.'

"Bad news, sir. The public isn't buying our new Pork Ala King."

'No cheating'

Poisson d'Avril!

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

"I let go of all my earthly attachments, but there's one I can't seem to shake."

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"OK, I'll tell you what I know, but I can't reveal my source."

'I think we're out of focus.'

A Pirate at the Opticians.

'WOW, this is a GREAT Telephoto Lens, Joe! That Grizzly bear WAY down there looks like it's Right up here in FRONT of my face!'

'Spread your wings now.' 'Bugger off, you weirdo.'

"P.A.Y.F.O.R.Y.O.U.R.G.L.A.S.S.E.S."

Contacts vs. Glasses

'How do these glasses feel?'

'Make sure they fit straight'

'This camera is so fast that you don't even have to press the shutter release.'

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

The De-evolution of Man due to Contact Lenses.

'Was the flash too bright?'

'Sometimes I wish I hadn't bought you that stupid camera for Christmas!'

Woman tells man with camera: 'I can't say 'cheese' because I'm lactose intolerant.'

'Silicone implant ward.'