Jovial Jokester Gifts

"This man is a wonderful primary-care husband."

'I couldn't fix your electric door bell, so I just replaced it.'

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"Hey! He must be watering down the beer.This is our fifth pint and we're still not talking rubbish."

"Is that permanent?"

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'You won't register this as 'members interests' will you?'

Easy TV Repair

"That's right, Robert. Santa sends us a copy of his naughty and nice list, and we send him our students' grades."

Mrs. Claus's Annual Joke: 'Whoa...you're not going to work dressed like that, are you?'

Hot Cross Bun

"Do we take Bitcoins?"

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Like you, I laugh at most things, but not clowns: They terrify me!"

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

Growth Charts

"Hey, I like your new friend: He laughs at my dad-jokes..."

"Sure, he looks tough, but he can't hold his drink."

"Evening George, my usual - too much!"

"What's this vile rumor I ear that the building's sinking?"

Dyslexia (dog barking backwards).

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"And do we have any honeymooners in this evening?"

'Have one yourself, landlord - I've just failed my 1000th candidate!'

Planting Bulbs.

'Wow...you must have had a really bad day, eh, mate?'

'I thought you were bringing the white wine sauce and I was bringing the lemon and tartar sauce.'

"Well of course I'm not tired of living. What a frightfully silly thing to say!"

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

Fleas Navidad.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'