Jovial Jokesters Gifts

"You know, honestly I see it as half full."

You're going down today, sucker. Bring it on! Get a load of this $85.45. Wow. Impressive. Told you. Not so fast. $93.60? Now that's an expensive tank of gas. Humbled. I play to win. We cope in the oddest ways. House of Java.net Cybercafe.

'I tried letting it all hang out, and somebody stepped on it.'

Christmas Burnout.

The why-the-long-face gag falls short.

Children disturbing a heart rate reading.

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'Gravity...Go figure!'

'Maybe the batteries are dead.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Growth Charts

"It's World Cup Soccer, Tia Carmen. The U.S. vs England."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'If someone farts in the forest and there's no one around to smell it, does it make a stink?'

Farmer chasing alien leaving crop circles.

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

"What are you trying to tell me, girl? Are you hungry? You’re not hungry? The squirrels are skinny-dipping in the pool? Cats are making a hook rug out of your bed? You dug up Jimmy Hoffa?!" "Mitch liked messing with his dog's head."

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

'One hundred and forty? You don't look a day over one hundred and thirty nine!'

"Redcoat is down! Repeat, redcoat is down!"

Who says religion can't have a sense of humour.

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

Kid in hospital has I.V. in him that is a straw.

Hey boss, that generic soap you gave me isn't really cleaning the cups. Mind if I go get some brand name stuff? Are you insane? There's zero difference between generic and brand name products. Corporate America just cons people into thinking "you get what you pay for." Don't be a stooge, Rudy. Don't fall for it. Now get in there and scrub those cups, minion! Strike a blow for the little guy against corporate lies! Wait ... I'm very confused. Are you a right-winger or a left-winger? You mean in w

"....'Sickness, health? ... better, worse... richer, poorer?'... how about leaving me some wiggle room!"

Dorothy gets a visit from her funny Valentine.

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

'What, not even a kiss first?'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.