Job Titles Gifts

'Not only does the babysitter want more money, she now wants to be referred to as a child-care specialist!'

"Investment broker? You?"

'Field Marshall chairman, if you don't mind.'

woman works at a desk with a sign on the wall behind her: Ms. Davis Senior Partner - Formerly Hey You.

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'I hear you got your increase.' - 'Yes, that proves my theory, if you whine enough, you get anything you want.'

"I see the downsizing continues."

Publisher. "The Laws of Motion " is a little dry for a title, Mr. Newton. How about something catchier like "When Push Comes to Shove"?

Working 9 to 5.

''Junk Yard Dog' just sounds so much cooler.'

'In order to fund your deferred compensation, we won't be paying you any salary.'

Getting through the week.

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

It's to stop you getting side-tracked.

"I'm not worried about you, Henley. You'll land on your feet."

"That's right. An increase in your title!"

Doctor to man: 'You're a workaholic - you tested positive for elbow grease.'

'Don't be nervous but I think we're about to go LIVE on the new system.'

'I'm grooming you for this position and giving you a makeover.'

"I don't need your resume. Your current employer forwarded me a ton of security video that you're featured in."

The job is yours - I called your references and they all said you're a good boy.

'I don't know what he's doing or why he's doing it, but by golly, I love his work ethic.'

Man running from desk: 'I can't seem to get away from my work lately.'

"I see you've come a long way, Perkins."

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"I know you're the quote, 'company's envelope orderer', but change the acronym."

'Come in please, I have something I'd like to bounce off you!'

"No, sir, they don't come with the cubicle—you have to order the cubicle separately."

"Relax. I just wanted to tell you that you're doing a good job."