Occupations Gifts

Teddy Bears for all trades

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

37 years in the same position.

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Shoe Shine/Lace Tie

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

"Pay more attention to me? I'm sorry, dear, but Mommy needs you to be more specific."

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Curious how all four previous employers spelt 'exceptional' with just an 'x'.'

'I'm sure that you are highly qualified. It's just that we're not hiring anyone at the third grade level.'

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

Work Slave

Between Offices

In and Out Sourced.

"Sure, I'm a successful working bee, but sometimes, I wish I could have a family..."

'Yes, we do have an incentive scheme.We call it 'continued employment'.'

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'I'm afraid that the top investment banks are looking for more from job applicants than a 'Top Degree from the University of Hard Knocks'.'